


Vancouver

by Stareena



Series: Need You Now [2]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Anxiety, Butterbeer is life, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Frottage, Gen, Interactive Fiction, Jensen is basically in charge, No one in Married in this, Protective Jared Padalecki, Protective Misha Collins, Reader-Insert, Reader-Interactive, Self-Worth Issues, Supernatural show taping, if you blink, some seduction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-08
Updated: 2017-03-08
Packaged: 2018-09-30 19:15:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10169936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stareena/pseuds/Stareena
Summary: Back on set, things are weird. Costars and crew are tiptoeing around you, the script is being changed and now there is a meeting that is going to be changing the second half of the season, not only that you're getting a ton of text messages from your agent demanding that you call him at once. Does this have to do with the way you left Rich in Houston? Despite being in love with him, you ran from him... are you still even friends? Or worse... is your career now officially over on Supernatural?





	

**Author's Note:**

> I totally love and respect all of the families of all of the actors. That said, I made EVERYONE single. It's easier that way.  
> Served fresh and never beta'd read ;)

If you want to substitute your name in place of Lindsay, check out [this blog](http://interactivefics.tumblr.com/) using InteractiveFics extensions.

* * *

 

 

Stumbling to the van, you crawled inside and laid your head on the first warm lap you could find and closed your eyes, not caring at the laughing you heard.

“Good morning to you too.”

It was Mark Shepherd.

“Comfy lap. Shhh.” You whined and made yourself more comfortable.

“You’ve got to wake up. Brian got you your coffee.” Mark whispered in your ear. Opening one eye you turned your head slowly up.

“If you’re lying I will shank you.”

“Character bleed darling. You forget you’re not a Winchester.” He grinned down at you, helping you to sit up.

“Seriously? Brian, you got me a Butterbeer?” You looked forward at the driver of the van.

“Yes, I got you your diabetes in a cup.” Your driver looked back at you.

“I love you!” You squealed as he indicated a cup in a cup holder next to him.

“You’re too young for me, kiddo.” He chuckled.

“Tease.” You reached forward and picked up the cup taking a tentative sip and making a pornographic worthy noise.

“Well this is awkward.”

Freezing. You swallowed the burning liquid, scorching your mouth. Knowing it would be in pain for a day you moved passed that to deal with the heartache that hit you in your solar plexus. Turning slowly you looked behind you to the third row and there he was. Your complicated crush. Richard Speight Jr.

“Rich. Hey.” You inclined your head. “Is Gabriel back?” You asked confused as to why he was riding in to the set.

The tight smile remained so but his eyes turned towards the window.

“Directing. Clearly you didn’t read your script yet.”

“Skimmed it. Had a late night shooting pick up shots last night.” You thumbed the cup of coffee in your hands, looking at it, instead of the man in the backseat.

“Really? Who else were you shooting with?” Rich asked.

“Misha.” You kept your eyes on your cup.

“And?”

“That’s it. Last minute changes to the script.”

“What kind?”

You looked up at Mark, who looked a little smug as he took a sip of coffee.

“They, decided to… make Lailah a love interest for Castiel.” You looked over at Rich but felt guilty about it.

Outside the van the weather reflected the icy quiet. You sat waiting for someone to say something. Instead the side of the van opened up as Misha stepped into the van.

“Morning.” He yawned, sitting next to Rich, the only remaining seat open.

“Got you your coffee, Mish.” Brian called back.

“Ohh.” Misha moved forward and took the coffee from the driver before settling in next to Richard, “How’s everyone this morning?” Muted sounds of obligation filled to van as Brian pulled out onto the road.

“Going to be a cold one today.” Mark muttered.

“So, you’ve come back to us as director.” Misha smiled at Richard.

“Yep.” Richard smiled back at Misha, “This episode looks like it’s going to be good fun, with the rewrites.”

“Rewrites?” Mark turned around.

“Well now that Cas and Lailah have been made official the episode has changed, significantly. You’ll get the new script when we meet for the read through.” Rich replied evenly.

“New… script? Not new pages?” Mark asked. You turned around to face Rich, this had also caught your attention.

“That’s right. A lot of the A plot will remain the same but the B plot had to be completely rewritten. The ending, likewise also had to be rewritten and the interaction between plots had to be rewritten.” The three actors looked between each other for a moment. “It was considered that this episode be left alone and the next one be rewritten but the decision was nixed. They wanted to address things immediately. So don’t be surprised if things continue to change as we move through this episode.”

“So… what you’re saying is business as usual.” Misha chuckled sipping his coffee.

A stilted chuckle went through the van as they moved through the frozen streets of Vancouver.

The group huddled around the conference table, reading through the new script. All were a little more than bleary eyed and surprised by the new script. Looking around the table, eyes looked about at one another, shocked at what the new pages had turned out to be. But it was when you began reading the new sex scene between Lailah and Castiel that you realized that Richard would be directing you for that. Blushing deeply, you felt your stomach turn. Taking a sip of water you kept your eyes on your script, making notes as you needed and tried to tune out Jared and Jensen who were good naturedly teasing both you and Misha (though mostly Misha).

After the read through Richard discussed the schedule of the shooting and had asked off the bat whether you and Misha wanted to get the sex scene over with or if you wanted to wait a little bit before shooting it. Misha, who had had a little experience shooting more adult scenes, had left it to you to make up your mind. Swallowing, you couldn’t speak, your face turned bright red and the words just wouldn’t come to you. It was an odd conundrum, when you were in character you could say the filthiest things and do all sorts of nasty and evil things that you had to but off screen, when it was just you, you were as shy as could be. Looking to Misha for help you gave him a look before looking at your lap.

“Let’s shoot it as late as possible, if that’s okay.” Misha answered for you. Richard nodded and began writing out a schedule from his notes on the white board behind him as the tentative schedule. One of many, according to his notes, had you and Misha chosen a different route for the sex scene.

Standing up at the end of the meeting, you went to make up to get ready for today’s scene. It would be an easy one in the bunker. A lot of staring at the boys and light dialogue for you. A runner had come in while you were getting made up and gave you the days side and in thumbing through it you had five lines and most were one words as it was. Most of it was look reactions. It would be an easy day.

Moving over to hair, you leaned back as your stylist began adding in your extensions and curling your hair, making it look thicker and longer. This part of the process took a lot longer and because you loved your hair being brushed, you usually drifted off.

Not today.

The door to the trailer crashed open and Misha somehow managed to tumble into the trailer to get touched up.

“How you feeling about the sex scene, Lindsay?”

“Well, I wasn’t worried about it till you just brought it up.” You replied with your eyes still closed.

“Do you want to practice some night? You, me and a bottle of wine?”

Opening your eyes you glance at Misha out of the corner of your eyes.

“What would your boyfriend say to that?” You quipped back.

“Who Jensen? Please, he wished. Just because that boy has a crush on me does not mean he can get a piece of this ass.”

“Uh huh.” You grinned.

“Seriously, if you want to talk, just talk, let me know. Doesn’t have to go any further than that, sweetheart. I know this sort of thing sometimes weirds you out.” Misha said softly.

“It’s… not that entirely.” You sighed.

“Does it have anything to do with you running out on Richard in Houston?” Misha asked quietly.

“Glad to hear good news travels fast.” You bit your lip.

Tracy, the makeup artist, stopped working on Misha, “I heard about that too. We… all did.” She gave a soft smile.

“Goddamnit.” You sighed.

“Does it have to do with your crush on Rich?” Melissa, the hair stylist asked. Misha’s eyes went wide as he turned his head slowly and looked at you.

“Is that why you left Houston early? Did something happen?”

“There really are no secrets here are there?” You felt yourself blushing. Your phone went off, checking it you saw it was your agent wanting you to call. You ignored it.

“Nope, family, remember?” Tracy smiled.

Closing your eyes, you felt Melissa run the brush through your hair a few times, something that you felt very relaxing.

“Yes, I have a crush on him. Yes, the idea of having him direct that kind of scene… it… is… weird for me.” You took a deep breath before opening your eyes, “I’m a professional though and I will deal with it.”

“Well, I’ll just make it weirder for you how’s that?” Misha offered.

Looking over at your costar, you couldn’t help the chuckle that bubbled out of your chest. It felt like it had been a long time since you laughed.

“Thank you Misha, I knew I could count on your for that.”

“We’ll make sure we have at least two takes for the gag reel.”

“Yes!” You reply, the idea of making it a weird sex scene made it some how less scary.

“There. How about the night before, we’ll get together, watch some really bad B-movies on Netflix and eat some pizza… we’ll get inspired for it and then drive Rich insane with some dumb takes… maybe we can use some of the inspiration for GISHWES too.”

“Sex scene?”

“Who knows what will be born of this evening!” Misha rubbed his hands together. Another laughed erupted from your chest.

“Indeed.”

“Well, my darling, you are all done.” Melissa announced. Glancing at your reflection you smiled seeing Lailah’s reflection smiling back at you.

“Thank you ladies!” You walked over to Misha and gave him a side kiss, making sure to avoid lipstick on his cheek, “Thank you Mishka, love you.”

“Love you too, babe.” He said softly, grabbing your arm and squeezing it softly before you left the make up trailer.

It took little time to get dressed in your trailer and shortly, you were sitting in the Men of Letter’s bunker, flipping through one of the many books that sat out on the tables, looking over the pages and illustrations. There were crew that were setting up around you, most were ignoring you as they were doing their thing, unless they needed you to move, which was rare. The SPN tape ball was placed near you, so you grabbed it taking a few selfies with it before tape was being added to it. You loved adding pictures with it to your instagram.

Soon, others were filtering in to the area and blocking started to happen with the second assistant director. When Richard showed up and you all went through the scene with blocking. Richard stopped and decided to reblock the scene. For some reason of all the directors you worked with, Rich was one of the few that Jensen and Jared did not prank and did not screw around with. They worked with him as if they had been working for him for years. As if they respected him or something. It was an interesting dynamic.

It did, however take over an hour to block what would be a simple 10 minute scene. And in this scene, you had no lines, only reactions. But you got through it eventually, even with Jared tickling Misha’s balls.

“How are you awake enough to tickle him?” You asked Jared after a take.

“It’s how it keeps me awake if I feel like nodding off.”

Lunch was after the bunker scene, which went by quickly then two more scenes were filmed. So far you were ahead of shooting. That said, Rich decided to go ahead and shoot another scene in the bunker that involved just Jared and Jensen and cut you and Misha early.

Walking back to your trailer, Misha caught up with you.

“Hey, Lindsay, did you want to come over and have dinner? Like I said, just to talk.”

Considering for a moment, you decided that it wouldn’t hurt to talk with Misha, so you agreed. You trusted the man, he had proved his metal with you time after time in the past. He was a weird guy, no doubt about it but he was also genuine too. Changing quickly, you went to make up to have your extensions taken out, while Misha kept you company.

Once free of your hair prison, you bid everyone a good night and left with Misha, heading for the car pool, Brian was waiting to drive you two back to the apartments the cast stayed in. The drive back was fast and easy.

Back at the apartments, Misha asked for about an hour before you came over, which you agreed to. It would give you plenty of time to shower and start going through the new script and make any notes that you felt you needed to address. Some actors knew their characters inside and out and didn’t need to so much work on them. Not you, you felt you were still finding your character, even after the relatively few episodes that you had been given. You had made nearly twenty-five episodes. Which for a female character, on this show, was pretty good. You were hoping for at least 30 before they killed you off, but you were proud of what you had done so far. Still, you kept your character bible, a place that you made notes in on any character quirk or mannerism, things that were said that made them canon, ect. That way if something contradicted it, you could go to the writers quickly and tell them. You were a fangirl first and you were not going to fall into a trap like that. Plus it helped you into slipping into Lailah quickly, by reviewing your notes. It was part of your process.

Soon enough, it was time for you to head over to Misha’s. You took your script and character bible and all your notes with you and a bottle of red wine and walked up the two flights to his unit. Knocking on his door, you heard him call out to come in. Walking in your phone went off again, again it was your agent. Rolling your eyes, you ignored it again.

Inside Misha’s place was amazing. There was lots of wooden things, Wood furniture, wood statues, knick-knacks. He was always making something. Much to the dismayal of the neighbors. At least he left the power tools at the studio, they allowed him to make a corner for himself in one of the workshops on the backlots when he signed on as a season regular several years ago. There was one statue that he had carved by hand when he was 16, he called her “Vicki” and it was this amazingly beautiful woman who was standing up but brushing her full head of hair from her face. She was your favorite of all of his work. He wouldn’t talk about the muse, only that she got away.

“You brought wine? You didn’t have to do that sweetie, unless you’re trying to get into my pants, then I fully endorse it.” Misha chuckled as he moved around the kitchen with ease.

“Need any help?” You asked, setting your things down on one end of the coffee table.

“Nah, I’m good, make yourself at home.” You began opening up your notes, “Hope grilled kale is good for you.” He called out.

Looking up with death in your eyes, you nearly forgot about Misha’s eating habits before he started laughing.

“Don’t worry, pan seared salmon steaks, asparagus and a side salad. I hope that is okay?” Misha looked up at you.

“Well, red won’t go with that at all.” You replied, sitting back you inclined your head, “Wait, you had all of that just laying around?”

“Yeah, don’t you?” Misha shrugged.

Thinking back to your kitchen and the five frozen hot pockets that may have freezer burn, the half eaten jar of peanut butter, the one egg that you’re pretty sure came with the apartment and the 12 jars of ketchup, mayo and mustard in various amounts.

“Right.”

Dinner was amazing. There was very little that Misha couldn’t do, it was sometimes aggravating. Still, if you ever wanted to learn something new, trust Mish to know something about it or to have had done it before.

“So…” Mish pushed his plate forward after having inhaled his fish, “Where is your mind about this scene and Richard?”

Trust Misha to cut to the heart of the matter so quickly. Taking a deep breath, you likewise, push your plate forward.

“Well, I’m nervous. I’ve never done a scene quite like this before. So that right there has me a little worried. But factor in Richard…”

“Okay. So… let me ask you, is it the idea that you’ll be partially naked that make you nervous?” Misha steepled his fingers together.

“No. I did nude modeling before I got into acting.”

“Okay, so the naked form is not bothering you. That’s good.” Misha looked away, “Is it the action that you and I will be engaging in?”

“No… we’ve humped on stage.” You dismissed easily. Your phone went off again.

“Yeah but that was us fooling around, this is more intimate,” Misha leaned forward, taking one of your hands in his, “this is a crowd of people that you know, that will be watching your every move,” he tugged your arm gently and pulled you towards him, coaxing you out of your seat and pulling you into his lap. While you’ve snuggled with most of your costars, this was different, you knew he was making a point, still it did nothing to quiet the raging of your beating heart. “This is you and I, mostly naked, sweaty, close,” he held the back of your neck with a firm hold, pulling it in close to him, close enough that you could feel his breath against your skin, “Undulating, together.” His lips brushed against your throat. “This is in front of the man you are most in love with. It is bound to arouse some sort of sensations in your body.” Running a finger up along your neck, Misha traced your jaw before pulling your chin down slightly, close enough to find his blue eyes taking up your entire vision. “Are you wanting to make him jealous?” Mish growled.

“I…” You stammered, your heart hammering in your chest, your mind unsure of what to think or say.

“We could you know, give him a run for his money.” Misha smirked, rubbing the pad of this thumb across your bottom lip, you blinked. You could.

“Why should I? I ruined what chance I had with him in Houston.” You whispered back to Misha, watching his lips. There was a slight snarl that formed before he smiled. Raising your eyes you furrowed your brows.

“You really think so?” He whispered back.

“Yes.”

“If you think that you have zero chance with Speight then sleep with me, right now.” He rolled his hips up into you for emphasis, allowing you to feel every well-endowed and ready to go inch of him. He teased your mouth with his forefinger, as he moved closer, nuzzling your cheek with his nose.

“I know… I have no chance, doesn’t mean… I’m not still… hung up on him.” You panted.

“I can help with that.” He cooed, gripping your face and kissing you fully on the lips. You gave a soft moan, allowing yourself a brief moment before pulling back.

“Misha.”

“Lindsay.”

“No. Please.” You looked at him, holding his cheek in your hand. Taking a long deep breath you looked up to the ceiling, “I’m a fucking moron to say no to you,” you looked back to his face, “But if I do ever have that privilege, I don’t want to be hung up on another guy.”

Tilting his head in a distinctly Castiel sort of way, Misha smiled softly, “That is the nicest let down I’ve ever had.” This caused the both of you to laugh quietly.

“We okay?” You asked.

“Are we? I’m the one that pushed.”

“You didn’t push, you stopped. You were a gentleman.” You assured him. He smiled and sighed, “I love you Misha. I really do.”

“I love you too, Lindsay.” Standing up, you decided that nothing was going to be taken care of now and it was best that you get back to your place.

“You… gonna be… okay?” You gathered up your things.

“Yeah,” Misha sat back in his chair, “Cold shower or warm shower, not sure which at this point.” He grinned up at you. Leaning down you planted a dirty kiss on his lips, moving one of his hands to your breast, encouraging it to massage it while you ran your hand down over the front of his pants for a quick light grope, before pulling away far too quickly for the both of you.

“Hot. Really hot.” You stumbled backwards out of his apartment, tripping as you went.

As you entered into your apartment you received an angry string of emoticons from Misha, complete with eggplant. Sending a reply you reminded him that he has a better chance of getting off than you do. You also noticed that you had missed about nine messages from your agent saying it was important that you contact him. It was ALWAYS important that you contact him, usually to make sure that everything was okay and that you were still on Supernatural. What with what had happened in Houston, he was probably wanting to lecture you and you weren’t interested, so you chose to continue to ignore him for now, until you spoke with Rich first at least. Walking into your dark apartment, you tossed your things aside, and decided to just go to bed early. Yeah you were off the next day but you just were worn out from the sexual tension. At least Misha was getting off and while the idea of sleeping with him was seriously intriguing.

WHYDID YOULEAVEANDSAYNO!?!?!?!!?

You still couldn’t get Richard out of your head and what you had done to him. It didn’t matter that he hated you for life, you needed to at least explain why you left. Why… you were no good for him, why you should probably leave the con circuit all together.

Flipping and twisting in your bed, you were glad you didn’t have to film the next day. You got no sleep and you were a wreck. Misha offered to have you run with him, it didn’t help, though the workout did get you hot and sweaty with him, hear him panting as you ran lines with him. To cool down afterwards, you both did yoga outside, despite the snow. It lasted about thirty minutes before you insisted on running inside.

Offering to order food this time around at your place, Misha came down to your apartment after showering. Both of you clean and in comfies decided that relaxing for an evening and watching movies would be the best course of action. The number of messages from your agent skyrocketed, tempting you to turn off your phone but because of shooting, you didn’t.

Halfway through the second Star Trek movie, both of your phones started going off. Looking at Misha, making sure his phone was also ringing, you actually took notice this time. Sitting up, you paused the movie and answered yours.

“Hey, Lindsay, it’s Jim,” Blinking, you glanced over at Misha and mouthed ‘Jim Michaels’. Misha pointed to his phone, and whispered ‘Guy Bee’. Giving a _what the fuck_ look, you turned your attention back to Jim, “hate to bother you so late in the day but we have some changes that are being made to the script of this episode and really to the latter half of the season.”

“What sort of changes? Am I getting killed off?” You asked.

“Are you getting killed off?” Misha asked.

“What? No, why, who is that?” Jim asked.

“Huh? Uh, no one, TV.” You slapped Misha’s thigh and got up from the couch, walking away, “No, we are,” there was a long sigh, “taking a few days to reassess a few things that will be happening in this episode. So we are going to skip over it to the next one, for now, until we can get some things straightened out with contracts and scripts.”

“Contracts.” You echoed.

“For now, we are going to need you tomorrow morning at 6am for the read through of the next script. This is a monster of the week type case, nothing really pertaining to the overall arch of the story that we are tweaking and Lailah is in it a little bit. Guy will be directing it, he is aware we’ve moved things up quickly and he’s ready.”

“Okay…” There was clearly something in Jim’s hesitant tone that was making you uneasy, “Jim… I have to be honest, you’re… making me nervous here. Is… is everything okay? Am I, as an actress leaving the show?”

“No. You’re fine kiddo. I hope.” He hung up the phone, leaving you with that faint uneasy feeling. Looking at your phone you turned and looked at Misha, waiting for him to end his conversation with Guy.

“Well, looks like my week got more interesting.” Misha set his phone down, “I have a Cas-centric episode to start filming starting tomorrow.”

“I thought it was monster of the week, that’s what Jim told me.”

“It is, but centers around Cas.”

Looking back at your phone, you furrow your brow, “If it is Cas centric, then why am I not in it very much?”

“He said that to you?” He asked, sitting back on the couch. You nodded, “I don’t know. This is weird, all my years, the only time that they’ve done something like this was when they planned to kill Cas off during the Leviathans and then rewrote the season to bring him back when the fans got the leak of it.”

“But Jim said I wasn’t being killed off and they contractionally can’t kill you off… so… what gives?” You walked back to Misha and sat down beside him. Wrapping his arms around you, you snuggled into his side.

“I don’t know, this is starting to give me a headache.”

“I was looking forward to sleeping in one more day.” You mumbled.

“Yeah, me too.” He grumbled, rubbing your back before patting it, “Okay, up and at ‘em, unless you plan on letting me crash here tonight, I need to get up and back to my pad.”

You made a noise of disgust being jostled.

“Lindsay, seriously, we both need our beauty sleep and unless you want to be subjected to kale moisturizer…”

“No!, God no.” You jumped up as if stung by fire, “You don’t do that any more, do you?”

“No, I keep it around to leave dollops in Jared’s underwear. That shit went rancid a year ago.”

Grinning, you helped Misha to his feet and walked him to the door, opening it for him only to find a well bundled Richard walking up to your apartment door, looking ready to knock.

“Oh.” His face fell as he took in your appearances, “I… can… call later if you’re… busy.”

“No… movie night got canceled.” Misha shrugged, “He man, everything okay? We just got calls from Guy and Jim.”

“Uh, yeah, everything is cool.” Rich looked nervously at his feet, “Writers, producers, show runners, lawyers…. You know how they are when a twist comes up.”

“Twist?” You leaned against the doorjamb, shivering, “You know what’s going on?” Maybe you should contact your agent after all…

Rich looked between you and Misha for a moment, clearly wanting to talk. Taking the hint, Misha turned and gave you a swift hug and patted Rich on the back before making haste for his apartment. Standing on the threshold, you looked at Rich, looking swaddled in his large black down jacket, beanie, gloves and scarf. When had it started snowing heavier?

“Can…. I come in?” He asked.

“Sorry, yeah, of course.” You moved out of the way, letting him in, closing the door behind you, helping him with his jacket and winter gear, “Can I get you something to eat or… drink? Still have some pizza if you’re hungry. Got some Sierra Nevadas in the fridge if you want one.” You looked over as you hung his jacket on the back of one of your dining room chairs.

“Beer would be great, thanks.” Rich looked around the living room closely, you could tell. Probably trying to figure out how innocent you and Misha were being. Grabbing another beer for yourself, you opened them both before walking back to meet him. Dressed in jeans, black long sleeve shirt and his glasses, he already was looking amazing, just in these simple things. You passed him his beer before tucking your unruly hair back, feeling like a slob in your yoga pants and oversized Slytherin tee shirt.

“So what brings you to my neck of the woods?” You sit on the couch, taking a sip of the beer, trying to be as cool as possible but dying inside to know why he was here.

Sitting down, Rich held the bottle between his hands, staring at it. Turning it around, he seemed to inspect all angles of the brown glass before bringing it to his lips and taking a pull from it. Watching his adams apple bounce as his drank, you felt hypnotized. The way his lips adhered to the glass gave you thoughts as to how they could adhere to yours. It made your throat dry, causing you to take a deep drink of your beer.

“I thought you should hear it from me.”

“Hear what?”

“I contacted my agent and… Sara.” Rich looked down, “I refused to direct…” He sighed, “No, it… didn’t come out that way, I… made… suggestions, requests…” He looked up at you and huffed, “Why did you run out on me in Houston?”

Swallowing, you looked at him, dumbfounded. This time you looked down at the bottle in your hands.

“Does it matter? It happened.”

“Of course it matters. It matters a lot to me.” He said sharply, enough that you looked up at him, “We had a good thing going between you and I kiddo, we were friends, you and I. Remember?”

Looking back down at your hands, you nodded, “I remember.” You whispered.

“Then… I kissed you.” His voice went soft as silk… coaxing the tears from your eyes.

“Rich.” You stood up.

“No, I need an answer, I need to know. I went back to your room and you were gone.” His voice changed tempos and octaves, he was angry, he was hurt.

And you deserved it.

Biting your lip, you walked over to the kitchen counter. The beer was no longer settling your stomach, in fact it made you feel quite ill, standing over the sink you gripped the counter and tried to calm down.

“I know…”

“Where were you, why did you leave like that?” He asked, walking up.

“I can’t….” You panted… the crying was getting to you, you felt the fear building up in your chest. Gripping the counter harder, you tried to steady yourself. Deep within, you knew you deserved this punishment, you drove Rich to hate you this much.

“You owe me the truth,” Rich crowded you at the sink before softening his voice, “Please, just…. Tell me, why you left.”

“I was afraid…” You sobbed.

“Afraid?” He took a step back, “Afraid of what?”

“Afraid of losing you.” You covered your face in humiliation, bent over the sink, you could not calm down enough to catch your breath, the panic set in. Gasping and sobbing, you tried to steady yourself but felt your knees buckle. As you fell on your ass, you looked up to an empty kitchen.

Curling up on the floor, you continued to cry, knowing that you were the maker of your own fate.

 

Dark sunglasses were your friend the next morning as you rode in the van along with Misha, Ruth and Mark towards the studio. The air in the van was not quite tense but it was close. Ruth was trying to pull from you what was wrong but you refused to say anything and Misha was more than beside himself with worrying knowing who was responsible.

“I will sick the moose on him, you just give me the word.” His ice blue eyes flashed with fury.

“That’s sweet of you, Mishka but no. Not needed.”

“What did he do to you?” Misha cupped your cheek looking you in the eyes when you allowed him to take off your sunglasses.

“We talked. That’s it.” You looked away.

“I’ll have a talk with him.” Misha gritted his teeth.

“This isn’t high school, Misha, seriously. I… I deserved it.”

“Do you hear yourself? You deserved it? No, no you don’t. No pain is ever deserved.”

“But I hurt him. Turn about and all of that.” You began walking towards the conference room for the read through of the new script, stopping only with Misha’s hand landed on yours on the door handle.

“Did you intend to hurt him?”

“No, I was trying to save him from pain.”

“You had good intentions?”

“Yeah.” You shrugged.

“Then this pain… was not deserved.” He rolled a finger at your face.

“The hell happened to you last night?” Jensen walked up and blinked, “Wait, you okay?”

“Don’t want to talk about it.” You turned and opened the conference door.

“Wait, seriously, you okay?” Jensen trailed in after Misha, you sitting in your normal seat for read through, picking up the copy of the script that was laying in your place.

“I’m fine.”

“Jesus, Lindsay…”

“Jared….” You held up a finger, “Not right now, please.”

Looking over at Jensen, Jared gave a concerned look. Sitting down, you went about getting ready for the read through, ignoring looking from the rest of the people in the room, trying to focus on the job in front of you. Guy walked in followed by Jim.

“Morning everyone.” Jim sat down at the table as his assistant walked over and fiddled with the air phone contraption for conference calls, “We are going to have a quick call with Sara before we start the read through this morning just to get everyone on page for the latter half of the season.” Jim glanced around the table, his eyes settling on you for a long moment before continuing around. Looking down at your script, you sighed. Something was very wrong and you were scared. Maybe you needed to call your agent and see about getting another gig soon.

Looking down at your cell phone while Jim’s assistant worked on the call, you got another text from your agent.

**Max: ARE YOU DEAD!?!?!?!?!**

**ME: What?**

**Max: She lives!**

**Me: I’m busy, at work.**

**Max: Need to know, NOW, season regular?**

You sat there for a moment, blinking at your phone. Was this why Max was trying to get a hold of you for the last couple of days? Was this one of the things that Jim was talking about? Looking up and around the table you took in a breath.

**Me: For SPN?**

**Max: Duh.**

**Max: Need to tell the suits, like NOW, darling!**

Looking up, you took another breath. Series regular. You’d be just like Misha. Regular paycheck, regular gig. It’s what you wanted. Another breath.

It meant contractually obligated appearances at all conventions.

It meant growing up and being an adult.

It meant dealing with your shit and stop being a child.

It meant facing Rich.

Taking a deep breath, you looked at your cell phone as the assistant got Sera on the phone.

**Me: Yes.**

**Max: Good, we will talk later. And I do mean TALK!**

**Me: Later.**

Looking up, Jim had started talking, making small talk as Sera was waiting for someone on her end to get situated.

“Okay, I think… I think we have everyone now.” Sera announced.

“Well, we are waiting on one person here.” Jim sat back, “He’s here, just got caught up by the snow.”

“Let me know when you’re ready.” Sera’s voice, “It’ll give us a minute to settle this last contract.”

Jensen’s eyes darted over to Jared’s before looking over to Misha. Ruth and Mark likewise started glancing at people around the table trying to figure out what was going on. The door to the conference room opened up before the last person walked in.

Richard Speight Jr.

“Sorry I’m late.”

“Not a problem, Rich.” Jim motioned for the seat across from you, next to Jim, the last seat open, “You guys okay?”

“Yeah, just slid off the road, we’re both okay. No one was hurt. Black ice.”

“Thank God for that.” Sera’s voice added.

“Hey Sera.” Rich smiled, taking a sip from his cup before looking around the table greeting everyone with a smile or good morning, evening you, though yours was much more somber. Misha was more reserved than normal with Rich and it didn’t go unnoticed by Jensen.

“Okay Sera, we are all here now.” Jim announced.

“Okay, you all are probably wondering what the hell is going on,” Sera started, “As you know the decision to have the Winchesters to hunt down the remaining Men of Letters after what they did is still the overall story line, we are continuing that story arch into the rest of the season as the primary arch. Story Arch B is changing for several reasons. Number one, the writers gave Castiel a love interest and the fans… hate it. More than we expected. The love Lailah but they do not love the pairing, to the point they are now threatening to boycott the show.”

You slink in you seat.

“This is no ones fault. Apparently Wincest and Diestel rules all and this was a risk we took when we gave a lead a love interest. But all is not lost because we can still salvage this. Turns out the Walking Dead is finally fucking over.”

Jensen chuckled.

“Which means Jeff is open again. With Sam still on the show, there is nothing holding us from bringing back Big Daddy Winchester. This opens up all sorts of opportunities for the future of the show.”

Looking around the table some people looked interested while some looked shocked.

“But that’s not quiet yet, we are still talking with his agent and with Jeff. All we know is that he is VERY interested, we should have an answer in the next couple of days. For now, what I can tell you is that the second half of the B plot will include the Archangels again.”

The room was quiet.

“Plural?” You spoke up. As of right now, the only living Archangels, still were Michael and Lucifer. Both… still in the Cage. So… why was Richard…

“We are bringing them all back.” Sera said with a finality.

The room grew very still.

Your eyes landing on Jared, his eyes narrowing at yours, still trying to read yours. Sometimes it was aggravating how much he really was like Sam.

“How?” Jensen asked, cutting the tension in the room, “How is that going to fix the Cas/Lailah relationship?” His eyes moved between you and Misha.

“Because Lailah is Gabriel’s wife.” Sera’s wife replied matter of factly.

“What?!” You sat up. At the same time Misha spoke up, “Excuse me?” Richard said nothing.

“What about the porn and… Kali? I know canon is a translucent word on this show but seriously…” You leaned forward.

“Witness protection program, remember?” Richard sat forward, “While he was an angel, Gabriel is married to Lailah, when he went trickster, he went playboy. So when he finds out little bro is about to mate his wife, Gabriel is pissed plus it won’t work because she is already mated to him. Lailah thinks Gabriel is dead and so is the mating bond which is why she thinks she can mate with Cas. Boom.”

Blinking at Richard you looked at Misha, then Jim then Guy.

“So, I’m a plot device now.”

“You’re a series regular.” Sera announced, “As is Richard. Congratulations.”

Looking around the room Jensen took a deep breath, “But… how are the Archangels coming back?”

“Mr. Ketch is going to resurrect them as a last ditch effort to save himself before he disappears for the rest of the season.”

“Good to know I’m not dead yet.” David Hayden-Jones smiled sitting back.

“This is shark jumping territory.” Jensen folded his arms sitting back, “This is season seven all over again.”

“What do you want us to do Jensen? The fans are pissed and we can’t take more than a few days to rewrite everything. Richard was nice enough to come up with what he did about the Archangels. Unless you have something else to offer…” Sera waited for a minute. The room remained silent as he ran his hand down his face.

“Give us a day.” Jensen announced.

“Fine. But if nothing, comes of it, we move forward with what we have.” Sera agreed after a moment.

“Copy that.” Jensen leaned forward and shut off the air phone and looked around the room, “Rich, it’s not that it’s… not a great idea but we need to smooth out the details a bit more than that.”

“Not a problem. It’s a rough idea and we can shelve it or work with it. I want to make sure that the fans are happy with the show in the end.” Rich sat back.

Turning his green eyes towards you, Jensen took a deep breath, “And you are not a plot device.”

“Thank you.” You felt your body start to relax.

“If the fans hate the relationship with Cas that much, then… we will figure out something to… fix it.” Jensen looked around the room.

“Well, if you want to work this problem, I will leave you to it. I have some work back in my office. Let me know what you come up with. Guy.” Jim stood up as Guy rose as well.

“Good luck.” Guy smiled and both men left, leaving the actors alone in the room.

“I need a freaking drink.” Jensen closed his eyes.

“It’s seven in the morning Jay.” Misha replied softly.

“Good, we have all day then.” He stood up and walked over to the white board and pulled everything off of it and wiped it off. On one corner he wrote ‘Cas=Lailah’ and stepped back and sighed. “This is like algebra. Okay everyone, let’s start coming up with ideas, we’ve got the Men of letters, Archangels now, thank you Rich, possibly John Winchester in the future, how do we break up Cas and Lailah without killing either one of them off?” Jensen turned and looked at the room.

Taking a sip of coffee you looked at your phone.

“I… I literally just accepted the contract for series regular.” You said softly, “I can reject the contract and be killed off.” You looked up, “That simple.” Setting your cup on the table, you picked up your phone and began to type a response to your agent.

“Whoa… you’re willing to just end the character like that?” Jared raised his hand and sat forward.

“It’s the easiest way to take care of this problem.” You looked up at him. “Lailah dies, Cas has an emotional scene, the Winchesters share a beer with him, end credits roll. What’s the problem?”

“You’re not on the show anymore though.”

“There… will be other shows.” You looked at your phone. “Won’t be the same but…” You smiled, “It’s for the best of the show.”

“You’re a better man than I.” David chuckled.

“Well, it’s Supernatural, if they really want me, they’ll find a way to conjure me back.” You assured him.

“Lindsay, no, we will find another way.” Jensen stood by the white board, pen in hand.

“You sound like Dean.”

“He’s right,” Rich spoke up, “Don’t go jumping to die off the show just yet.” Glancing at Rich, you couldn’t look at him long. Why did he care, he left you while you were sobbing out your confession to him in the midst of a panic attack last night. Was this some sort of sick game to him? Looking away, you sat quietly. Murmurs of ideas started being thrown at Jensen as he began to write them on the board, most half baked ideas but the writers had worked with less before. You weren’t thinking.

Getting up, you excused yourself to the restroom but you didn’t go that direction, you walked outside for a moment to get some fresh air. Gripped in your hand was your phone. Your half finished text to your agent was the last thing on the screen when you woke it up. Going back into your contacts, you began thinking of your options. It was best to go back to the beginning. You needed some… guidance, clear guidance. No bullshit.

Hitting the button, you held your phone to your ear and you waited.

 

When Jared came looking for you, you realized you had been gone nearly twenty minutes.

“I need to get going.”

“I can still kick his ass you know, it’s still on the table.” Brianna chirped on the other end of the line.

You smiled at the offered, “Thanks, but I think I’ll be okay.” You wiped your eyes. Jared gave you the Sam puppy dog eyes, “Can I see you for dinner, please?” Your voice was soft, begging.

“Of course sweetheart. All you had to do was ask. Just us?”

“No, the others are good. I need them too.”

“Okay. I’ll arrange it, I’ll take care of everything. I got you sweetie.”

“Thank you.”

“Love you.” Brianna cooed.

“Love you more.”

Hanging up the phone you looked at it for a long moment before gasping and biting your lip to keep from crying.

“Lindsay, what’s going on?”

“Shit became Highschool and I thought I took care of it but I don’t know anymore.”

“Rich?” Jared whispered walking closer, “He the one making you cry like this?” He pulled you in close, “Did he hurt you?” He whispered. Looking up at his hazel eyes you sighed, tightening a hand around his arm.

“Jar, I told him why I left Houston last night and I cried, a lot. He left me without talking about it. So I don’t know where I stand with him. I don’t even know if we’re friends anymore. Which… was what I was trying to avoid.” You looked down. Pinching the bridge of your nose, you tried to not cry but it was so hard once you got started, “I feel like this… whole show…. Problem is my fault… and I think leaving would be best for me.”

“No.” Jared was firm, so much that it made you look up and take a step back, “You are not leaving. Not over Rich. No way.” Jared shook his head, “Not on my watch.”

“Jar.”

“No.” He was absolutely firm, stepping forward, he took your hand gently and pulled you towards him, wrapping his arms around you, “I know you and I have similar issues, we’ve been through a lot together but remember our agreement. I’m strong when you can’t be, you’re strong when I can’t be. Trust me on this, Lindsay. You’re not leaving the show over him.”

“Okay, Jar.”

“I’m serious.” He pulled you into a hug and rubbed your back as he let you cry for a moment into his chest, “We’ll figure something out, okay?”

“Okay.” You breathed in his scent, closing your eyes. It was nice to know that your friends were supporting you but you knew they were friends with Rich too, “I…” You pulled back from Jared’s chest, “I don’t want this to became a sides thing, I don’t want it to end up with his friends and my friends. I want us to just be able to work together if we cannot be friends at least, a professional working relationship.”

“I know. Rich is a professional as well.” Jared pulled back but was still holding your hand, “Would you object to a… family meeting?”

“Family meeting?” You wiped your face and looked up at him.

“I think we all need to talk about this together.”

“Oh, God no…”

“I think clearing the air…. Would be best.” He pushed.

“Jared…”

“No time like the present.” He pulled you into the building and into the conference room, where it seemed everyone was drooping.

“Oh good, just in time for lunch.” Mark started as he began to stand.

“Wait, we have to talk about something.” Jared held his hand up, holding yours with his others. You were looking down and away, trying to avoid everyone’s eyes, especially Rich’s. “We’re having an emergency family meeting.”

“Isn’t that what this is?” Jensen crossed his arms at the white board.

“No, this is the emotional part of it.” Jared leaned over to a chair and pulled it out, sitting you down in it in front of the white board.

“Oh Jesus.” You muttered.

“Lindsay…” Rich had a warning tone in his voice.

“Lindsay and Rich had a fight.” Jared started, hiding your face behind your hands, you felt your entire body grow cold, “I don’t know what it is about but Lindsay seems to think that leaving the show would make things better for everyone.”

Growing quiet Rich sat down and looked at you, while the others murmured words of encouragement to you.

“You don’t honestly believe that do you?” Rich finally asked when the talking died down.

Looking up at him, you held your hands up still, tight to your chest.

“It seemed like the best idea at the time.” You replied quietly.

“That’s you just running away again. It solves nothing.”

“It takes care of the show and that is more important….”

“Than what… than you?” Rich asked, leaning forward, “Than me? Than us?” The room went deathly quiet.

Relaxing your body you looked down, “It’s more important than me.” You looked up. “When I’m gone, no one will remember me, but they will remember this show, they will remember the message. That’s what’s important.”

“How can you think that way about yourself? How can you think so little of yourself?” Rich slammed the top of the table with his hand, making several people jump.

“He’s got a point, Lindsay.” Misha added.

“This is not an intervention,” You reminded, “This is us trying to figure out a way to save the show on our terms…”

“No, this is us saving our family, the show will follow suit, love.” Ruth walked forward, tucking your hair behind your ears, “It’s a job dearie and a fun one at that. We’re lucky to be working where we get to dress up and play pretend all day. But that is it. We’re getting paid to be overgrown kids. But this is who we are, we’re family. Clichés and all.” She held your head in her hands, stroking your hair, “So if you ‘re hurting, we hurt. And you’ve been hurting for some time, dear. But more than that you’ve been pining for that one across the room.” Ruth looked up at Rich, “And you’ve been pining for her as well. And enough is enough. I don’t know all what happened in Houston, I don’t know what happened last night. All I know is my two friends are hurting and I am damned tired of it.” A tear trailed down her fair cheek. “I’m not taking sides, I love you both.” She delicately patted the tear away, “I want to see you both happy whether that is together or if it is better apart. But screaming at each other is not going to help the situation. We do have to work with each other.” She looked from face to face in the room, “If not here then out in the conventions. And we do this job to have fun. If we didn’t, we’d be accountants or something dismal.” She pouted.

“So what are you saying?” David looked around for a moment.

“What I am saying, is this, a decision doesn’t have to be made this moment. Take a breath. We are all here for each other, we all love each other and we will all support each other because we are family. All I ask is to let the love start, whether friendship or more and let the pain end here now. Please.”

Looking up at Ruth, you reached up and took her hand and squeezed it, smiling up at her. Looking across the table you looked directly at Rich.

“I never wanted pain. Believe it or not, I was trying to avoid pain.” You chuckled, self deprecatingly, “Guess I screwed that up royally and for that, for that I am sincerely and wholly sorry Rich. I am.”

Rich likewise had tears in his eyes, rubbing them he took a deep breath too, “I miss my friend. So much.” He wiped his face, “I mean, who else do I have to help me go up against the Moose of pranks?”

“Hey…” Jared warned warmly.

“I am Switzerland.” You declared with a laugh through the tears. Waiting a moment, you continued to look at Rich before you couldn’t take it any longer. Jumping out of your seat you ran around the table and jumped into his lap, wrapping your arms around his neck and hugging him tightly.

“I’ve missed you so much.” You whispered into his ear.

“I’ve missed you too.”

“I never wanted to fight with you like this.”

“Me neither.”

“I love happy endings.” Ruth sniffed. “Tea?”

“Yes, please.” Mark and David both stood up.

Disentangling yourself from Rich, you gave him an embarrassed smile as you climbed off Rich’s lap.

“Well, now that’s settled, we still have to try to figure out how to get Lailah from Cas in a way that won’t be jarring and will make the fans happy.” Jensen sighed.

“I say we break for lunch and reconvene afterwards.” Mark suggested.

“I agree.” Rich looked at you, Misha nodded.

“Okay, back here at one then.” Jensen capped his white board marker and pulled Misha aside.

“Do you… can we…” Rich ran his hand through his hair nervously, Misha kept an eye on the two of you, as well as a warm smile. It was nice knowing he was still protective of you. “Wanna have lunch and… talk?”

“I’d like that.” You nodded.

“Hey, Lindsay, Rich…” Jim’s assistant walked in before anyone had started walking for the doors.

“Yeah?”

Mark flopped down in his chair once more.

“We just need you both to go over the contracts and sign them before we can move forward. We can forward them to your agents for final confirmation.”

“Sure.” You both got up as Mark jumped up himself, making his way for the door and presumably for lunch.

“Hear they are,” She handed the both of you large manila sealed envelopes, one with each of your names on them, “General stuff, rate per episode, any clauses, trailers, no sleeping with cast or crew, makeup and hair allowances, convention obligations, doubles, body guards that sort of thing. If you have questions or if your agents need to negotiate anything, let us know immediately. Okay?” She smiled before walking out.

Taking a moment, you held your contract in your hand, this was everything you wanted, a season regular on a well loved show and it was a show you had loved once as a fan. You knew that this was going to change everything for you. Taking a deep breath you looked up at Richard.

Wait, did she say no sleeping with cast or crew…?

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> If you haven't discovered the wonder that is a Butterbeer latte, I weep for you: http://starbuckssecretmenu.net/starbucks-secret-menu-hot-butterbeer-latte/


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